Live In The Moment

My buddies on Facebook have been uploading photos of our teenage years, and wow, the memories just start flooding back to you.  As I was looking at these photos, of trips to youth camp, trips to slide rock, and just us goofing all night at our best friend's house a realization hit me.  Those really WERE the best days of my life.  Not that I don't love where I'm at right now, but wow, I never realized then just how much fun I was having.

I spent so much of my youth mopey, depressed, worried about boys and stupid stuff that was so trivial and didn't matter.  I let these things get in the way of how much fun I really could have been having.  As I look back now, I don't remember which guy broke my heart, or which friend was pissing me off that day, I remember the good times we had, and the fun we had in each moment, that is what you take with you.

That being said, I STILL do this to this day.  I never live in the moment, I'm constantly trying to get to the next moment, and I don't realize the joy that is happening all around me.  I worry about stupid stuff and make myself miserable in every situation.   If I only had this I would be happy....well then I get that and I'm still NOT satisfied...If I can only do this THEN I will be content.  If I continue in this reckless pattern my life will have flashed by me and I will have missed out on what is truly important, and that is living in the moment.  

If I could learn to live in the moment, I wouldn't worry about tomorrow.  I would not worry if the house was clean or the dishes were done.  I wouldn't be thinking about having to go to school next week, or getting the laundry done.  This is not to say let everything go, but if I learned to live in the moment, I'd drop that laundry basket for thirty minutes and wrestle in the living room with my kids.  If I could learn to live in the moment, I wouldn't worry if the kids spill koolaid on the carpet because they are only little for such a brief time.  

“Life is all memory, except for the one present moment that goes by you so quickly you hardly catch it going”

-Tennessee Williams

The Older They Get

The older my kids get the more interesting things get around here.  I LOVED it when they were babies, and part of me misses that, but I have also learned to just enjoy them where they are at, and as they get older they get to be a lot of fun.

Last night my two oldest were watching "James and the Giant Peach."  There is a character on there they were arguing about.  Myah insisted that it was a caterpillar, but Brett said he was certain it was NOT a caterpillar, but something else.  He followed that with "I don't know the name of it, but I know it is NOT a caterpillar."  I listened in the kitchen while cooking dinner at this whole exchange between them.  Finally they called me into it.  I looked, and I agreed with Brett, it was not a caterpillar. 

About twenty minutes later, it was revealed that this character was actually a centipede.  Brett of course relished in the fact that he was right.  That is when the attitude came out of Myah.

Brett:  See I was right!

Myah:  No you were not right!  You didn't know what it was.

Brett:  Myah, I told you it wasn't a caterpillar, and it wasn't.  

Myah:  It was a centipede and you didn't know what it was, so you were wrong!  (don't you love this logic...)

This is when I interrupted.  I explained Brett was indeed right.  Myah's attitude still didn't diminish any.  About five minutes later she came up to me in the kitchen and here were her exact words:

Myah: Oh A.K.A. mom...I don't have anything in my folder.

I lost it.  I started laughing roaring with laughter.  I then explained the difference between A.K.A. and F.Y.I. to Myah, so she didn't repeat this faux pa to anyone else.  

Violent Mood Swings

I think that God gives women a bit of amnesia after having a baby.  If we seriously remembered in detail all the pain and anguish that comes with pregnancy and birth we would never have more than one child.

Honestly I don't recall being this sick and moody in any other pregnancy prior to this one.  I feel totally bi-polar.  One minute I'm laughing, the next I'm ready to scream or cry.  

Saturday was a really bad day for me, I was just feeling awful, and on top of that we decided to watch "P.S. I Love You."  REALLY REALLY bad idea.  Because I knew he was going to die in the movie I began crying at what should have been a really funny part of the movie (where the hubby is dancing in the suspenders).  By the time the first letter and cake came for her I was sobbing uncontrollably (seriously I could not compose myself).  It was the kind of cry where you feel like your heart is being ripped out, your eyes end up swollen and puffy,  you can't breathe and you are taking huge heaves in between tears.  It was seriously pathetic.  My poor husband didn't know what to do (so he laughed a bit) while holding me.  My kids kept coming in the room looking at me as if I was about to crumble.  Needless to say, we never finished the movie that day.

Yesterday I was able to finish it with minimal tears.  If I felt myself starting to go into heaving huge sobs mode, I'd pause it, do some dishes or laundry and come back to it.  The kids had the day off school, so of course my oldest came in the room.  She kept asking "why are you crying?  This isn't even a sad part?"  (She was relentless)...

This morning I turned on the Presidential Inauguration and caught the tail end of it.  The navy started singing our National Anthem and once again the tears start flowing.  I have NO idea why.  I'm not sure if this came from deep pride for our country or what, but this is seriously getting out of control.

Then, this afternoon I decided to watch CSI from last week while folding some laundry.  I'm then crying at the end of that show because it is Grissom's final episode (I will refrain from ranting about how HORRIBLE the show will be without him, I will save that for another blog).  I feel absolutely pathetic now, I look at myself in pure contempt because I am crying at CSI.  This is an all new low for me.

So here I sit, mascara running down my face with red cheeks and puffy eyes.

Laugh and the world laughs with you...cry and you look like s*&^.