There was an old lady who lived in a shoe...

That's me. You know me. I'm the woman in line behind you at the post office or grocery store that has too many kids all ready (and dear God she is actually pregnant with another). Hello. It's nice to meet you too.

That was me, and is me, because even though my older children are TRYING to be helpful, they still can't manage to go get some bananas without skipping and making annoying noises on their way to do it.

Oh, then your son tucks his arms in his shirt and runs down the aisle saying "I have no arms! I have no arms." The problem is that you are too busy dealing with your two year old who is having a nuclear meltdown in the aisle because she can't get out of the cart to deal with his inexcusable behavior. The whole store stares at you like you just beat your child or something, but you can't beat her bottom, because you are in public. Then what would you look like?

So, now you are the pregnant lady, holding a two year old trying to push a shopping cart down the aisle while two others are in tow behind you. Hello, my name is Julie and I look like I live in a trailer.

Once this realization hits me, it is at this point that I now become the crying pregnant lady in the store, holding a two year old, with two others in tow behind her. Do I drop the cart and bail or keep on going?

Turns out that crying in front of your children is the best thing you can do to get them to behave. Maybe it is because you look so pathetic, they have no choice but to feel sorry for you. Thus I have now perfected the mom guilt trip. Cry until you make them behave. That will work.

Ok, so. I'm making a declaration. I REFUSE to go grocery shopping with children. No more. I will go alone in the evenings when Daddy is done working. I will no longer look like the crazed mother that has too many kids!