I've been having some incidents with my kids lately, mostly my son and my 3 year old. I'm not going to go into detail about what they did, because I don't want to embarrass or mock my children in any way, sometimes I make fun of the things they do, but when it comes to more serious behavior issues, God has put it on my heart to chill out on telling the entire world on what they did.
But, I have no problem telling you what God is putting on my heart for ME to fix. I've become a total passive parent. I will let things go, and let them go, until my anger builds and I end up exploding, and using unkind words to my children. Then as I lay in bed at night this huge wave of guilt comes rushing over me about what I did wrong that day and how I could handle it better.
Yesterday I had a massive incident with my three year old. My husband came down and quietly pulled out a dusty book on our shelf. James Dobsons "The Strong Willed Child" to possibly look for answers to our problems with the kids. I started reading this and God started to reveal so much to me that I've been doing wrong. I have been this completely passive parent. The kids know that I don't mean buisness and it's all rehearsed play on how things will go between them an mom. Nobody ever gets truly disciplined, but both parties end up completely frustrated in the end.
Dobson talks about this in his chapter "The Most Common Mistake." Talking about how most parents fall into this pattern. He used the police officer and a speeding ticket as a good example of how authority should be. The officer does not need to rely on anger to influence our behavior. Nor should I rely on anger to influence my kids to behave.
So. Goal number one this week: Organize/Decrapify my heart, by instilling two messages to my kids:
- I love you more than you can possibly understand. You are precious to me and I thank God every day He let me raise you.
- Because I love you, I must teach you to obey me. That is the only way I can take care of you and protect you from the things that might hurt you. Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right (Ephesians 6:1)
Here is my spreadsheet of action I need to take and my deadlines for it! This is my second project of the week. Wish me luck!