Going Primal

It once again has been weeks since my last post. My afternoons, which I used to use for blogging time, have been recently taken up with graphic design work and doing a Wordpress site, which I've nerded out on completely and had a TON of fun with.  So MUCH fun in fact I'm considering taking my blog over to Wordpress, but I'm a little freaked about the transition...

Anyhow onto my food journey.  My husband was struggling with his diet and I didn't know exactly what to do.  This week at bible study I lifted him up in prayer, when I did so I also asked that they pray that God show me how to help him and support him.

Funny things happen when you pray.  God will push you out of your comfort zone.

Ok, let me get totally real here and yes, I'm gonna air my dirty laundry.  I've always tried to be real here, and it's time for me to make a confession.  I've been a horrible un-supportive wife to my husband.  For over a year now we have both been working out, trying to eat healthier, but I've been kinda smug and nasty about it all.  I've totally thought "this is HIS battle.  He is the one who needs to loose the weight, not me.  I can eat what I want within reason and I won't gain, so why should I quit the foods I love?"

I know people.  I'm ashamed of myself.  VERY ashamed.

So I would still buy the vanilla wafers, the graham crackers, cookies, treats and sweets.  I'd bake brownies on the weekends and smother them in ice cream and caramel syrup.  I'd make cookies when I felt like it and claimed that it was for the children.  I'd buy fruit snacks, chips and cookies and explain it was for the kids lunch.

Even though I was cooking grilled chicken for dinner with broccoli and salads, and offering some healthy choices in there, there were still cookies in the pantry.  It was like blowing smoke rings into someones face that was desperately trying to quit.  I didn't even realize what I was doing.

So, as I prayed. God began to reveal to me how I'd been behaving.  Not only has he revealed this but he gave me a desire to take our whole family into a Paleo/Primal lifestyle.  (if you haven't heard of it, you can see what it is about here) We can't do it if we all don't do it together.  I can't expect Jamin and I to eat one way and the kids to still have all kinds of grains and sugar in there just calling out to us.

I repented.  I apologized.  I'm trying to change.

As I started scouring the internet looking for recipes and snacks I became more motivated.  My BIGGEST concern was the kids lunches.  What on EARTH would I send with them if I couldn't give them a sandwich in their lunch box?

So I started Googling Paleo kids lunches and came up with quite a few great ideas:

www.paleoparents.com

www.everydaypaleo.com

Look at those cute little cucumber sandwiches!  Rolled lunch meats, little smokies, apples, pickles, olives, etc...

I came up with a schedule of meals for them next week.  I think the biggest challenge for the kids will be cereal and bread.  Lucy eats a PB&J sandwich EVERY day.  She is my most picky eater.  Evie won't have a problem with the fruits and veggies, but she doesn't really like eggs, so that will make breakfast difficult.  I plan to try this breakfast hash and seeing if that will satisfy her:

I've also found some recipes that use coconut flour and almond flour in lieu of white flour so I can try my hand at some Paleo pancakes and waffles.  We will see how it goes!  I'm gonna try making my own almond meal because I just don't feel like forking over $9.99 a pound for it at Whole Foods. 

I'm considering buying my own coconut to make coconut flakes, but depending on the cost I may or may not go this far.  Since I'm doing more primal than Paleo I am going to keep SOME dairy in our diet, but very very little.  For the most part Jamin and I will go without but I do plan on having some in there.  For dairy I'm going for hormone free, full fat dairy (rather than organic because of cost).  Braums milk is very good and hormone free, and their eggs are also cage free I believe!  Later this summer hopefully we can get a freezer and buy a side of grass fed beef from Jamin's uncle.  For now I'll keep buying the Fit and Active from Aldi.  It's not organic, but it's "natural" which is the next best thing and means it's free of hormones.

Anyhow I'm not sure if we can be 100% strict and I'm not sure I want to be crazy strict, I believe you do need to allow yourself some freedom now and again, but for now I'm getting ALL the junk out of my house and I think that will get us eating good like 95% of the time. 

Keep us in your thoughts and prayers, I'm hoping that this will be a REALLY positive change for our family.

A Work In Progress

Ok.  Take a step back.  Breathe.

Something is terribly wrong in this home, and I'm pretty sure that it's me.

The more I try to let things go, to let go of perfection, to care less about what people think the more it eats at me.

The more that God tries to work on this area of my life, the more it hurts.  The harder it gets.

People will be coming into my home in the next few hours and I'm freaking out over the crayon on the walls, the dog hair on my sofa and the clutter in my home.

So I get up and I start cleaning.  As I start to clean I notice a pair of my husbands shorts next to the bed on the floor.  I pick those up.  After I pick those up I realize laundry needs done.  I start collecting a mess of dirty clothes that was strewn about my house.

I come downstairs to load the laundry and notice about a dozen pair of shoes in my basket by the door.  I throw those on the stairs and start making a "go upstairs pile".  I notice pieces of paper that my daughter has thrown all over the floor.  I pick up all the little pieces of paper and I can feel myself getting more frustrated.

Every room I go into has a mess to clean up.  Once I get a room clean, and move onto the next, by the time I go BACK into the first room, there is a NEW mess, a new blanket fort, something else to pick up.

I'm truly chasing a tornado.  My effort is all in vain.

So what do I do rather than give up on perfection?  I cry.  I yell.  I get angry.  I give into my sin and disgusting behavior rather than pray, work on it and do what I need to do.  I take my frustration out on those closest to me, my kids, my husband, my WONDERFUL family.  Those who it will effect the most.  Those who are watching me and learning what it is to be like Christ. 

Then I hate myself.  So I cry more, I feel shame. My sin disgusts me.  It makes me physically ill.  I feel pain in my body, I feel an ache in the pit of my stomach when I allow it to take control.  It hurts.

Then it hits me.  A song I haven't heard in about 25 years.  A song I sung in Sunday School as a kid.  A sweet little tune.

He's still working on me to make me what I ought to be.
It took Him just a week to make the moon and stars,
The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars.
How loving and patient He must be, He's still working on me.

There really ought to be a sign upon the heart,
Don't judge her yet, there's an unfinished part.
But I'll be perfect just according to His plan
Fashioned by the Master's loving hands.

In the mirror of His Word reflections that I see
Make me wonder why He never gave up on me.
He loves me as I am and helps me when I pray
Remember He's the Potter, I'm the clay.

I'm currently taking a parenting class at church.  The other night they used an example of a blacksmith forming a horse shoe.  Sometimes the blacksmith has to bang on it gently to get it the shape that it needs.  Other times he has to apply heat, put it in the fire, to really shape it to where it needs to be.

Right now, I think that God is putting me under the fire.  It burns.  It hurts.  But he is shaping me.  He is making me the wife, the mother the woman I am supposed to be.

Rather than worrying about the way my home looks, I need to worry about my homes atmosphere.  I want people to feel the love of Christ as they walk through my door.  I want them to feel joy.  The wonderful joy that comes from my amazing kids.  I want them to roar with laughter like we do at times.  I want them to experience the feeling of family.

I can't do it on my own.  I need Christ every day to give me strength, and patience.   I need him to make me less selfish.  Because on my own I will only fail.

Most of all I need to realize that He's still working on me.

 ¹ There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.^{[a] 2} For the law of the Spirit of life has set you^[b] free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. ³ For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin,^[c] he condemned sin in the flesh, ⁴ in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. ⁵ For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. ⁶ For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. ⁷ For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God's law; indeed, it cannot. ⁸ Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.
 ⁹ You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. ¹⁰ But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. ¹¹ If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you. 

 -Romans 8:1-11

 

Fear

For years in my life I have lived in a constant state of fear.  This is totally contrary to what I know in my mind that I should be doing, the problem is that it is a heart issue, and a issue of my constant wavering faith.

I feel that God has been so good to me and has continually blessed me.  However in this state of thankfulness there is an underlying fear that lives there, it is a fear that I'm afraid to speak of or admit that is there, because if I speak of it then it may happen.  If I begin to talk about it and acknowledge it then I have to deal with it, and that is not something that I've ever wanted to do.

It's the fear of "what if".

What if I loose one of my kids.  What if I get cancer like my mother, and leave my family as my mother left me.  What if something were to happens to my husband?  What if, what if, what if...

This fear goes so deep that I can't even talk about it without coming to tears.  If I hear stories of tragedies happening to others I dwell upon those tragedies to a point that is unhealthy, or I avoid the emotions all together.  If I avoid it then I can live in denial that the fear doesn't exist.  I've had such a tragedy happen to me with the loss of my mother when I was younger, and it's a pain that goes so deep I refuse to deal with it.  For me to even talk about it I have to dis-associate myself from the emotion, or it becomes too overwhelming to bear.

Friday I heard that pastor Matt Chandler of The Village Church (who's teachings have stirred many things inside of me) found out on Thanksgiving day that he had a brain tumor, and that he was going in on Friday to have it removed.  The fear started to set in. If it can happen to him, then it can happen to me.  That whole feeling of "you are just one phone call from your knees" sets in.

So, I have been following this all weekend long.  This morning I watched the following video from Matt Chandler.  What he said at the end thoroughly convicted me.

http://hv.thevillagechurch.net/blog/hvpastor/?p=363

At the end he says "for those of you who live in fear, and continue to live in fear and would try to use this as an excuse to continue in that fear, don't you dare use this to continue in your lies."

Wow.  That leaves me totally speechless.

I live in a constant state of fear.  So, why all of a sudden am I coming out and talking about it?  I have to.  I can't hold onto this anymore, because the fear of "what if" is leaving me in a such state of panic that I can't even enjoy the present. It is becoming clear to me that the time is drawing near to deal with some things, and by writing this I'm ripping off the band-aid and exposing the wound to the world, so I will be forced to deal with it.

The Christ in Christmas

I was in Wal-Mart today for the third time this week, doing a mad dash up and down the aisles, counting on my fingers how many gifts the kids will have under the tree and starting to stress about making sure they have enough presents.

Then I stopped dead in my tracks. I've got it all wrong, and I know better.

What have we done to Christmas? This is the time of year where we are to celebrate Christ's birth, coming into this world to save us, and we have turned it into a complete circus.

Jamin and I have been watching several Christmas movies and specials, a tradition around here each year (by the way DONT watch Jingle All The Way...stupid stupid stupid movie with a HORRIBLE meaning to it). We watched the 1930's version of "A Christmas Carol" and it was so wonderful. The kids were excited about spending time with family, about the food and the little things, and going to Church on Christmas morning. Old movies like that are wonderful, I just love them.

Of course all these Christmas specials (except for Charlie Brown Christmas - which I have to give them credit for even saying the word "Jesus" on television since it is so taboo now a days), all these Christmas specials emphasize time with family and being together and yes they leave you with a nice warm and fuzzy feeling, but how many of them actually mention what Christmas is truly about?

We are living in dangerous times. Where we are afraid to call a Christmas tree a Christmas Tree...now it is a "Holiday Tree". You can't wish someone a "Merry Christmas" because it may offend them, you have to say "Seasons Greetings" or "Happy Holidays". It makes me sick sick sick. We can install foot washing baths in NYC for the Muslims, but we are not allowed freedom of our religion because Christ may offend someone.

Ok, I'm done ranting.

What I'm saying is maybe this year instead of worrying about our kids (who have everything all ready) let's teach our kids about giving and having the character of Christ. Christ gave us his life, he gave us everything so that we may live.

God is Funny

I don’t think funny is the right word...maybe ironic?

I kind of publicly blasted him the other day. Yes, I was angry at my father God and felt he was not providing for me the way that he should, however I had come to accept that though he may not be providing for me in the best way possible, that as long as he was there to hold me through all my fears I would be ok.

Not even twenty four hours later I received a phone call from a former supervisor at my old job asking me to come back to work for them part time.

Now isn’t that a predicament? Here we are not struggling for money, but tight, and this opportunity arises. It really made me think. Ok God, is this you providing for me, or is this some sort of test?

Last summer after giving birth to Evie, I realized I wanted to stay at home with my kids and invest in their lives. I also came to a realization that things will come and go, but the legacy that I have is in my family and my kids. God was very clear to me in what he taught me. Was I scared to death to go to one income? Yes. Did God always make a way? Yes he did.

I realized what God was saying. He was saying that if money is what is truly important, then sure, go back to work. Then we can get a new roof, get ten root canals if necessary and have enough money left over to furnish our house from Pottery Barn or Crate and Barrel. We can go out every other night to Red Lobster and Olive Garden if we like.

Or...

We could struggle for a while, but look back and see all the wonderful home cooked meals we had at home around our kitchen table. I can be taking a nice evening walk with my kids and see a dresser on the side of the road, in perfect condition. I can take it home, sand it, paint it and make it new all for little or no money and have something artistic that I’m proud of in my home, that has a nice story behind it.

I honestly feel that if I would go back to work I’d be in disobedience to what God wanted me to do last summer. My husband (the wise loving man that he is) immediately saw this. He reminded me of not just the reasons for me to quit sitting here at home, but all the reasons at that job why I wanted to quit. What an awesome great man he is.

Thanks Lord for the swift kick in the pants, I needed it to get motivated once again. You always know how to do that to me and I thank you for it.