Things I thought I'd never say.

When you become a parent you truly say things that you NEVER in a million years could picture yourself saying, things like "please don't lick the shopping cart handle," and "dear God he stuck something up his nose again..."  (emphasis on the AGAIN part).

Every time I turn around they are doing something so ridiculous, you look at them and shake your head in astonishment that they are yours, and could swear that they were raised by monkeys instead of civilized parents.

For example today we were at a restaurant and I looked over and my ten year old is shaving a crayon with a knife.  I look at her and just give her the "mom" look and say "Really? Can you please stop shaving the crayon with your knife."  I glance across the table and my two year old has taken her straw out of her drink, and is slurping Sprite directly from the table top to her mouth, lapping it up like a dog.  Where is her straw you ask?  She is using it to sip ranch dressing from a bowl.

Yes, these are my children.

Yesterday they tied a rope to a branch on our tree outside in a swing like fashion.  My husband and I watched from the kitchen window as my oldest decided to try and hang a plastic lawn chair from that very string as some kind of makeshift swing.  This is the point that my husband looks at me and says "so, do I call the ambulance now, or wait and see how this plays out?"

There you are again saying something you never thought you would say in a million years "kids, please don't hang the lawn chair from the tree and try to swing on it." 

Some of the top things I've said as a parent that I thought I'd never say:

• Stop chewing your toenails!
  
• Stop biting my feet!
  
• Honey I need the tweezers, he has a tick on his balls.
  
• Yes doctor he drank pool shock.
  
• No, the cashier at Walgreens is not the midget from Elf.  Please stop asking him that.
  
• Hold still while I pull the eye-shadow sponge out of your nose.
  
• You can NOT spank your friends on their butts while they are peeing at the urinal.
  
• Don't lick your sister!
  
• I found the penny in his poop!  We don't have to take him to the hospital!
  
• Stop playing with the toilet water!
  

Then of course my all time favorite "Please stop licking the shopping cart handle."  (I know I said this before but it's worthy of being mentioned twice.

Girls Weekend

So, my hubby, brother in law and my son packed up yesterday and went on a backpacking / camping trip in Tahlina, OK, which he has been VERY excited about all week long.  He asked me "you sure you don't want to go?".  No thanks, I'll be fine here with my air conditioning, soft mattress, meals that ARE NOT freeze dried, and water I don't have to filter in order to drink.

So, this was just a girls weekend.  Myah was excited because she has been begging for a girls weekend.  So, we started the afternoon off with a little nap, then off to Cici's for pizza, then a stop by Braums to get some ice cream for the evening.  We came home and did some make up while my dog almost hung himself (not kidding here, he got himself noosed around the staircase.  If I had gone downstairs 1 minute later the dog would have been dead.  My wood on my staircase now has claw marks embedded on it and the poor dog peed and pooped himself...it was REALLY sad, poor doggie).

Anyhow, after I saved our dogs life for the millionth time (not kidding I can devote a whole blog to just this dog), I came back upstairs and taught Myah how to shave her legs (wow, she is growing up SO fast I can't believe it).  Talk about a girlie weekend.

We then stuffed ourselves on ice cream while watching girlie movies.

We got up this morning early to try and make it to Old Navy by 9am when they opened for their $1 flip flop sale.  We made it there around 9:15.  I saw my cousin coming out of the store and I yelled out my window and waved.  I'm not used to doing stuff like this, I usually avoid the crowds, but I thought it would be a neat experience.  We parked at THE VERY BACK of the parking lot and walked in.  I immediately regretted not bringing in the stroller.  The store was wall to wall people.  It took us about 20 minutes to find our colors and sizes then we went for the line.  The line wrapped around the back of the store, then circled back around half way to the front it was so long.  I was beginning to wonder if it was worth it, but I was in too deep to back down now.  I was sweating bullets and holding a two year old (and I'm pregnant).  While I was in line I sent Myah to the front of the store to wait for someone to check out that had a cart and bring it to me so I could deposit Evie into the cart.  The line took about 30 minutes which wasn't bad considering there were nearly 500 people in line (I'm NOT kidding).  Myah and I each got 5 pairs of flip flops and we headed out of the store at about 10:05.

We then headed to the mall for some shopping.  I picked up some beach balls at Disney store that were 40% off, and books at Borders were buy one get one free on some, and discounted books on others, so I got some good deals at the mall!  We then headed to Snip-It's to get Evie a haircut.  She looked so cute with a little bow and sparkles in her hair when she was all done!  Then I dropped Myah off at a birthday party and it was 2pm so I stopped by Sonic for half price drinks at happy hour!

Hubby sent me a photo text of Brett wading in the lake.  I talked to him for a minute before his phone cut out.  They were wading in a creek looking for bugs.  I think I got the better end of the deal as far as weekends go!  I'll take my girlie weekend!

Coupon Mom

I have once again became the coupon mom.  I did it for quite some time, but got too busy with school, but now I'm back!  I was using them just at Crest for a while, but Homeland does double coupons up to two dollars.  Homeland was always more pricy than Crest so I just never figured it was worth the hassle.  I was WRONG.  

I made my first homeland trip the other day.  My total came to $45 (this was after store discounts).  Then she started scanning my coupons.  The price came down to $24 for all you see in the photo here.  This is all name brand stuff.  Some of it ended up being free after coupons.  

Here is what I got if you can't see it in the photo:

• Kraft Miracle Whip
  
• Kraft Mayo
  
• Two Oscar Meyer Bologna
  
• Velvetta Cheese
  
• Velvetta Shells and Cheese
  
• 2 Kraft Easy Mac's
  
• 2 Velvetta Easy Mac's
  
• 4 Jello Puddings
  
• Rits Bits w/Cheese
  
• Cool Whip
  
• 2 Hidden Valley Ranch Dressings
  
• 1 Kraft Blue Cheese Dressing
  
• 3 Two Liters of Dr. Pepper
  
• Lipton Tea Bags (24 count)
  
• A1
  
• Lea and Pearlmans Worchestire Sauce
  
• Kraft BBQ Sauce
  
• Premium Saltine Crackers
  

The game is to use the coupons when the items are on sale and at their lowest price.  Now, this is normally REALLY hard to track, but I enrolled in a site called Consumer Queen.  On their message boards other people post deals they have seen around town.  This is for ALL grocery stores, drug stores, etc...they post what coupons to use and when.

Now, I have gone a step further.  I buy two Sunday papers, double the coupons, so I can stockpile when the price is SUPER low.  Anyhow, this info was just too good NOT to share it.  

Now I'm off to the grocery store again, because the new ad came out yesterday!  I can't wait to see what my savings are!

Boys seldom make passes at girls who have glasses...

I knew this, even in third grade.  The nurse looked at me after the screening and said "Julie, I'm sorry sweetie but you will need glasses."  I ran out on the playground in a tear streaked panic and sat there and cried and cried.  My life was over, I was forever now going to be a four-eyed-freak.

Somewhere between then and now, glasses became cool and trendy.  If I could have only been a kid in this generation maybe I wouldn't be so scarred from that moment.  Thus, the reason that my son has ALWAYS wanted glasses, because he wanted to be cool (or a super-hero like Peter Parker or Superman, like it was his alter ego or something).  With him, you can't really tell.  So, a few weeks ago (right after he passed his vision screening I may add) when he started to complain about blurry vision, I wasn't buying it one bit.  

A week passed and we started getting notes from the teacher "Brett is complaining about his eyes."  A few days later "Brett is REALLY complaining about his eyes".  (Side note - Brett's best friend JUST got glasses as well).  So I figured with these concerned "notes" coming home that I better fork over the $89 for the exam and take him in.

After two hours of waiting room hell with a two year old, it is determined that he indeed needs glasses.  He has inherited the doomed Jennings astigmatism.   I decided to take him to Eyemart for the frames, because frankly I don't feel like paying $300 for frames and lenses at this eye doctor.

Monday morning we take him in.  He gets his glasses, which they talk me into adult frames because of his "wide face" (us in the family like to call this a big head...we are not so nice as the eye doctor).  The glasses look positively HUGE on him.  I question it, but the fitter insists that the kids glasses will dig into his temples.

A day passes and he breaks them (mainly because they keep falling off his face).  The nose piece broke off, so back to Eyemart we go, fixing it.  Then Friday, he takes them off and the dog chews two puncture holes in the lens.  This is nuts.  They have been falling off his face all week and I've had it.

We go back into Eyemart AGAIN yesterday.  Get him some kid glasses (which they gladly replace for us at no charge), and off we go.  These stay on his face much better (we will still have an issue until the kid grows some kind of a bridge on his nose), but they are MUCH better.  Also, these are a bit cooler looking frames.

Hopefully I've visited Eyemart for the last time in a while, but I'm guessing not.  Thank goodness I purchased the $20 warranty.  I've made that back within the first week all ready! 

If I end up in the looney bin it's YOUR fault

That is my statement to my SUPPOSEDLY loving husband, whom has been "messing" with my head for several months.  So if I end up committed it is HIS fault.

We have a hospital nearby our home, and I drive by it nearly every day.  There is a cross on top of the hospital that gives the illusion of movement, however while driving by you can't really tell if it is moving or if it is an optical illusion (because it's right by a freeway that goes 70 MPH).  I used to be certain it did move until one night we were parked by the lake and I could see the hospital at night and the cross NEVER moved an inch.  This is when I started to question myself.

I have gone on and on about this thing daily for the past year, and state that I'm going to take a lawn chair and park on the lawn in front of the hospital to PROVE once and for all that the cross does indeed move.  My husband would always tell me "you are crazy the thing does not move".

Well, last week as I drove by it the cross was facing west, but when I came home it was facing north!  I was SURE now that it does move.  This was proven.  I tell this to my husband that and he again tells me I'm totally off my rocker, and that it DOES NOT move.  We argue a bit but get nowhere.

Anyhow, last night we took the access road the entire way instead of the turnpike (trying to save money and not eat up our Pikepass unless we are in a hurry).  Well, the access road has stop lights, and I'm not driving so this gave me a perfect opportunity to truly LOOK at the cross on the building.  It moved.  I saw it move and there was no doubt it was rotating.

Jamin begins to laugh hysterically.  He said "From your hospital room when you had Evie I had a perfect view of the shadow of the cross."  He paused a moment to let this sink in "The shadow moved".  I felt like slapping him.

This he says was his little way of telling me not to doubt myself when I know something is true.  I say its a way to make your wife think she is absolutely crazy.  Thanks babe.

Crazy things I love about being a mom

*I started writing this blog about two months ago but never finished it.  In the spirit of Mothers Day I think I'll post it now.

Yesterday I was in the grocery store digging for my wallet at the checkout counter and I came across two little GI-Joe's in my purse, and it hit me that this didn't annoy me one bit.  In fact, I realized in that moment that I LOVE having those GI-Joes in my purse.  

So, I started to think about all the little things about being a mom I love.  Little things that would annoy someone who isn't a mom, things I will miss when they are grown up.

I love my mini-van.  I kicked and screamed about letting go of my awesome Santa Fe I loved and trading it in for a more practical roomy vehicle that didn't make me want to tear my hair out on road trips.  I wouldn't trade it for anything.  I love driving my mini-van.  It screams "I am a mom" and I love it.  I only wish it had a DVD player in it, but I'm sure we will have that eventually!

Toys in my bathtub.  With the kids shower out of commission, they have been using ours.  Every morning in order for me to take my shower I have to clean out a whole mess of bath toys .  Some day they will be grown and I won't have those toys in there to clean out and that will make me sad.

As annoying as it sometimes is, I love getting the call from school to come pick up my kid.  Not the fact that they are sick, but the fact that I'm no longer at work and stressing about what time I will miss and will I have to use vacation time.  I can simply go and pick them up.  It is such a blessing that I'm able to stay at home and take care of my babies.

I love buying things for the kids.  Not toys, but clothes and stuff.  It makes me feel like such a mom to go shopping and pick out clothes for my kiddos.  I love buying for them more than I like buying for myself.  I love it when they come home and I have a new shirt or pair of jeans for them.  Or when I get something at the grocery store I know they will love.  I think it makes me happier than it makes them, but it doesn't matter.  I will miss shopping for them when they get old enough to shop for themselves. ( Now shopping FOR them is much more fun sometimes than shopping WITH them...do NOT get the two confused.)

I love it when Evie runs away from me, yes it's a bit disobedient, but she is so cute running with her extremely blonde hair bouncing and a big cheesy grin and laughing because she thinks it's some sort of game (she has the best smile).

I love the fact that I can embarrass my children.  You would think this makes me feel old, but it doesn't.  It just makes me realize I'm a mom.  Just like my Dad loves to sing in the grocery store and drive me nuts till this very day (he actually did this back in October when he was visiting me...he did it JUST to embarrass me).  Anyhow I LOVE my dad, this is something I will miss about him someday...just how I'm sure he misses being able to embarrass me on a regular basis.  I was having a conversation with my oldest a few months ago and she said "mom you embarrass me around my friends when you try to be funny, and you really are not."  Brett said a month ago when I was headed to his class "I don't like it when you come to my class.  It embarrasses me because the boys think you are pretty".  Wow a compliment (I guess?) and humiliation all rolled into one.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm starting to grow up.  I love being a mom, and instead of being stressed all the time, I'm realizing that they are little, and only little for such a short time, and the little annoyances like jelly fingerprints on the wall, toys in my purse, and socks scattered all over the house will fade away.  One day I will look back and wonder how it all went by so quickly.

Ah, but that is the day that I will soon become Nana Julie, and that will start a whole new chapter in my life.  Children are a indeed a blessing.

 Don't you see that children are God's best gift? 
      the fruit of the womb his generous legacy? 
   Like a warrior's fistful of arrows 
      are the children of a vigorous youth. 
   Oh, how blessed are you parents, 
      with your quivers full of children! 

Psalm 127:3-4